A Frolicking Love Story
by sailorraven34
Summary: "Oh, don't worry about Nero." Raven said offhandedly. She was in the corner "relaxing" a.k.a. looking up pictures of cool swords and guns on the internet. "Nero's gay." Rated T but has been heavily censored by a certain AI.
1. What the fudge is a Naven?

**My justification for writing this instead of working on Revolution so I can finish that and move onto another epic? Um… it… was… raining?**

**MY OTP WAS FEELING FLUFFY. **

**This was based off a scene from Doctor Who in the episode "Let's Kill Hitler". That'll teach me to watch Netflix while writing. Hopefully.**

**Anyway, this takes place after (I guess technically during?) Escape Velocity, after Otto and the gang have returned to H.I.V.E. So obviously Raven and Nero are feeling a wee bit more attached to each other than normal, due to the fact that the latter has been captured for three months. **

_**Attention: Due to the amount of expletives in this account, I, HIVEmind, have taken the liberty of replacing certain words with ones more appropriate for all ages. Please enjoy.**_

**Oh yeah. And that. Enjoy.**

Shelby leaned back against the seat as the Shroud landed. "Well. That was an exciting day. Or two. I lose track. Anyway, where's Otto gone?"

"Probably off to go stare at the pilot." Laura grunted.

"Down, Laura" Shelby said in a patronizing tone. "Anyone who likes girls would stare at the pilot. Even _Nero_ was staring at the pilot. And he's either an android duplicate, or a vampire." Shelby said as Otto reentered the room. (He was upset because he'd just been informed that his 'father' was a homicidal A.I. But that's a story for another time…)

Raven laughed quietly. She was in the corner "relaxing" a.k.a. looking up pictures of cool swords and guns on the internet. "Nero's gay." she said matter-of factly.

"What." said Nero, wondering if he had perhaps misheard others all jumped- they hadn't realized Nero had been listening.

He struggled to regain his composure (he hadn't really lost it, but whatever). "I am not gay, Natalya."

"I've known you for _almost fifteen years_." Raven said, frowning. (She was apparently feeling unusually talkative.) "When was the last time you showed any interest in a _girl_?"

Nero adjusted his collar, ignoring her. To his credit, he did not blush even slightly, or exhibit any other obvious physical signs of embarrassment. "Well. That's that, then. I suppose there shall be a mountain of paperwork for me to complete, and I should go and get started on it. Malpense, I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Nine o'clock?"

The albino nodded.

"Oh, and thank you." Nero told them. "You shall all receive full marks on any assignments you missed due to this… adventure."

"What about assignments you missed because you kept screwing up your pedicure?" asked Shelby.

"I am afraid the rules still apply there, Miss Trinity."

"_**Dingleberries.**_" muttered Shelby.

"You all have the day off. I shall see you in class." And with that he hurried very quickly from the Shroud. Well, walked a bit faster than normal. Meh. Same diff.

"And I thought _Otto_ was the master of denial." Laura said with a sigh.

"What?" said Otto, who had somehow managed to miss pretty much everything that was going on via his superpower of Obliviousness.

"Nothing." said Laura and Shelby simultaneously, rolling their eyes.

Raven, meanwhile, stood. "I suppose I had better go as well. Paperwork."

"Yep." said Shelby, snickering.

"I am sure that it will go well You are rather beautiful." said Wing. (Shelby tensed.)

"Thank you. Also, never say that again or I will cut your fingers off." Raven said calmly. (Shelby relaxed as Wing nodded.)

"I assume you've both got the same sort of paperwork?" Laura asked cautiously.

Raven's face remained blank. "I really must be going. I trust you can all find your way back to the accommodation blocks."

"Yes, of course." said Wing.

"Go on." said Laura, offering her an encouraging smile.

"What's going on?" said Otto. (But everyone ignored him.)

"NAVEN FOREVER!" bellowed Shelby, shoving Raven out of the door. Thankfully for Shelby, Raven was in a nice mood and decided not to kill her. Or at least, to wait until after the impending make-out session.

Did she just think that? Nope. No way.

(Also, what the **fudge** was a Naven?)

**Interestingly enough, Word recognizes Naven as a word if I do it in all capitals. Go figure.**

She dashed through the hangar at full tilt.

_Oh, god. I must look like an idiot_._ Well, nothing I can do about that now. The train has left the station, so to speak. _

She saw him vanish into Pike's office. _Thank god for ninja stealth skills_. He was staring at the whiteboard, lost in thought.

Before she could think, she seized him by the collar and pushed him up against the wall (smudging Professor Pike's detailed diagram of a cyborg monkey brain. Someone was going to be pissed about that later.) "You like me." she accused.

"Raven?" Nero coughed. "Let go."

"You like me!" she repeated. "And you never said _one __**golly gee **__thing!_"

The tears trapped in her throat were choking her. As they began to spill out, she swiped a hand over her eyes. _Why the __**hot peppers**__ am I crying? Also, why am I shouting? Also, what am I doing?!_

He wouldn't look at her. "I was afraid of complicating things."

"I love you." she said.

"Natalya, you don't know what you're saying." he said, gently removing her hands from him. "You've been under a lot of stress-"

"I think you're the one who doesn't understand what you're saying, you **frolicking** coward. You're not the only **frolicking **person in the whole **frolicking** world who's lost someone they cared about! That Furan **female dog** forced me to **frolicking** murder my **frolicking** best friend! You think _that_ didn't leave a couple of psychological scars?! And here I am trying to make the best of my situation and move on, and you're the one stuck in the past! You owe it yourself! You owe it to me, for saving your **apple **so many times! So stop denying your feelings like a **frolicking** albino moron and just… _god_."

Nero stared at Raven. (Generally when people confess their love to you, they include considerably less swear words. Also, he might have been a little shocked about the other thing. The love thing.

Y'know.)

"I **frolicking** _love you._" she said, collapsing into Pike's spinny**(**_**Attention: Spinny is not a word, but the author of this… fanfiction, is it? Intriguing. Anyway, the author of this fanfiction insisted that I leave this here, so there it is and there is will stay**_**)** chair, and then she started crying again.

Crying.

_Get up, stop being so pathetic! _she scolded herself. She took a deep breath and sucked all traces of emotion from her face. "Although if you don't feel the same way, that is fine."

"That's good." Nero took a few steps toward him. "I suggest that we both just forget this and move on. You obviously misunderstood some things-"

_Oh. My. God whydoeshehavetolooksohotinasuithiimravensbrainkthnxbye. _said a voice in her head, and then pure emotion took control of her like a black organic supercomputer.

…

…

…

Foreshadowing…?

Raven kissed him, grabbing him by the tie and using him to haul herself to her feet. Nero grunted and kissed her back, shoving her down onto Pike's cluttered desk amid the papers-

"Oi!"

They broke apart hurriedly. Professor Pike stood in the doorway, rather red in the face. "It's nice to have the two of you back, but could you _do that somewhere else?!_"

**Might continue this, I don't know. Please review!**


	2. A Fab Four Fail

**I have no idea how this chapter happened. Insanity just came from my fingertips…. enjoy!**

"I _can't_." Laura said, looking away from the computer screen.

"Aw... c'mon!" Shelby begged.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to see Nero naked and scar myself for life." Laura said with a shake of her head.

"That would be interesting." said Otto from across the room. (The girls had, with much effort and exasperation, eventually managed to explain to Otto what was going on.) Shelby, Laura, Wing, Nigel and Franz all blanched and stared in horror at Otto. Otto, not knowing about the monster of a pairing he had just created, continued. "It would make _amazing_ blackmail."

The room let out a collective sigh of relief.

"They are being kissing again." Franz said, leaning forward.

"I don't think you should be spying on them…" said Wing.

But everyone ignored him. Except for Nigel, who was asleep anyway and dreaming about puppies.

Wing sighed and stood. "I am going to go and find a new group of friends who are not insane."

"Good luck!" said Shelby, not listening.

"Yeah, you have fun with that." said Otto, also not listening and now frantically banging his head against the wall to get the mental images of a naked Nero out of his head.

"Wait a minute… where did Raven go?" Laura demanded.

"She's right here." said a voice. All present turned around stared at the very pissed looking assassin standing a few feet away. Raven drew her swords. "Stand aside."

Otto, Shelby and Franz all jumped away from Laura's computer. Nigel woke up to the terrifying sight of Raven advancing on the PC as Laura clung to the monitor, screaming "NOT SEAMUS! ANYONE BUT SEAMUS!" which may or may not have done permanent damage to his subconscious. Or maybe that was from the fact that the image of Nero his friends had been viewing was shirtless.

Let us all take a moment in recognition of the tragic sacrifice Seamus the computer made for us all.

Done? Good. On with the story.

Raven sheathed her katanas and smiled, pleased with herself. "Now I trust there will be no more intrusions of my privacy?"

"You mean your love life!" squeed **(**_**Again, the author of this fanfiction has insisted that this word be left despite it, well, not being a word. **_

_**A moment please.**_

_**The author of this fanfiction has informed me that it **_**is**_**, in fact, a word, and defined it as 'the noise fangirls make when excited'. I shall update my internal dictionary accordingly.)**_Shelby, prodding Laura in the shoulder.

Laura was too beset with grief over the cruel demise of Seamus to answer properly.

"Good." said Raven with a heartless smile.

Otto mumbled something that could have possibly been an affirmative, or a crude complement to Raven's figure. Raven clearly heard the second, because she had him instantly in a headlock, her cheeks reddening. "Please focus your over excited hormones on a different target, Malpense. I," she said with no small amount of pride, "am _taken._"

"You are _pregnant_?" Franz spluttered.

Raven's look of murderous joy abruptly vanished. "I- what? No, I said-"

Franz jumped up and ran from the room. "EVERYONE!" he screamed at the Alphas assembled in the common room below. "RAVEN IS BEING PREGNANT!"

Silence. Then… applause?

"Congratulations." said Otto faintly (It was hard to breath in a headlock). Raven released him and strode purposely towards Silent Death himself.

"SHE IS TELLING ME SO HERSELF!" Franz bellowed, not sensing the mortal danger he was now in. "I AM THINKING WE SHOULD-"

But what they should do, they would never know.

Raven sheathed her katanas. "Anybody else have something to declare?" she said in a voice that somehow managed to carry over all the noise the Alphas were making in the wake of Franz's little announcement despite being no louder than usual.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" asked a certain ponytailed ninja from behind Raven.

Raven began to turn around.

"I would run, if I were you." Otto said quickly.

Wing ran.

**Review!**


	3. Someone's Going To Die (Probably Pike)

**Franz was tragically blasted off in the general direction of Jupiter during the last chapter, and I'm not sure when he'll come back. ; )**

**Looking up some stuff on Wikipedia due to my lack of Deadlock, and what do I find but **_**this.**_

They soon discover that Lucy Dexter is actually the Contessa's Granddaughter and can control people with her voice, which is useful for the adventures they go on.

**Yep. I'm sure that's **_**exactly**_** what they thought it was. Useful. But I digress. **

On the afternoon of June 15, 2014, the entirety of H.I.V.E. was treated with a highly confusing sight.

Was that, possibly, _Raven_?

Raven?

Wearing makeup?

And high heeled black boots?

And skinny jeans and a t-shirt that proclaimed "I am a ninja (you can't see me)" that was a Christmas present from Pike a few years back? (He'd meant it as a joke. Raven hadn't thought it was very funny.)

And was she smiling?

Someone, the general masses agreed, was going to die. Or had already. Maybe it was Malpense?

Malpense protested that he was still alive, and numerous tests were conducted confirming that not only was he alive, he was not a vampire or a zombie. Or a werewolf. Or a Time Lord. The masses were baffled. Someone called for cake.

Raven smiled as she applied more lip gloss. _Hilarious. _

A fluttery feeling she remembered from her early days of being young and in love filled her as she entered the hangar and climbed the ramp to the Shroud.

Dr. Nero was waiting for her. He was dressed, at her insistence, in jeans. Prior to the introduction of a romantically attached female, he had not owned anything other than suits… however, for where they were going, Raven had said it would be best to blend in.

He missed his suits. However, when he caught sight of Raven, he decided that maybe blending in was okay.

For now.

That t-shirt was _really_ tight.

Raven's whole face brightened when she spotted him. Her hand found his cold fingers. Nero swung her towards him, but before their lips could touch, a large bouquet of flowers appeared between the pair.

"Theodore!" Nero said, faking happiness. _For crying out loud, you just killed the mood. I could have gotten to __**fully admire Natalya's body in a way that does **_**not**_** involve a lot of kissing **__before we even _left_!_

"Flowers." said Raven, not bothering to hide her annoyance. _My god, if this man keeps interrupting I swear I am going to murder him in his sleep. Or maybe when he wakes up. Hmmm…_

"Yes!" Pike beamed. "I'm just so happy for the two of you!" He wiped a tear from his eye. "I wish you the very best…"

"Thank you very much…?" said Nero, highly confused.

"Goodbye!" Pike yelled.

And with that, he jogged off the Shroud. Raven and Nero exchanged 'wtf' looks before closing the ramp with very forced smiles.

As it took off, Pike looked down at Mrs. Leon. "I hope we'll see them again…"

"You realize they aren't going anywhere, right?" the feline said. "I mean, it's just a quick trip for the weekend."

Pike blinked.

"Oh." he said.

"What, did you think they were actually leaving?" Colonel Francisco snorted. "The only way Nero's abandoning this school is as a corpse."

"That would explain a lot." The professor mopped his brow with the sleeve of his lab coat. "And I already salvaged their computers for parts, too…"

Francisco frowned, then decided that it would be best to avoid the lovers when they returned. Not that he was likely to be blamed for the part-salvaging, but with Raven it was usually better to be safe than sorry.

"And her swords." Pike added. "That's going to piss her off, isn't it- hey, where are you going?"

**Next chapter shall be a date that will go down in history. : ) Reviews make me update faster… *wink wink nudge nudge***


	4. Goin' On A Space Date

**This chapter is more fluff then insanity… and it's LONG so buckle up and get ready for…**

**FRAAAAAAAANZ INNNNN SPAAAAAAACE!**

As he passed the moon, Franz reached out and grabbed a chunk of rock.

"I am thinking this will be making a good baby shower present, ja?" he asked of his companion, Mr. Space Monkey, who jumped up and down and scratched his stomach in reply. Franz smiled- Mr. Space Monkey reminded him of Nigel. In fact, he practically _was_ Nigel, apart from not being bald…

**We now return to our regularly scheduled program.**

As she walked down main street beside her… (she cringed internally at the word) _boyfriend_, Raven became suddenly aware of her squirmy stomach. Nerves? She hadn't felt nervous like this in a very long time… then again, she hadn't had a boyfriend since, well…ever.

That was a bit of a depressing thought.

"So," Nero said awkwardly, "how are… things?"

"Things… are good." Raven said very intelligently.

…

…

…

There was an awkward pause.

They had been 'together' for almost four months now, but between her month-long assignments and his attempt at cleaning up after the 'OMG NUMBER ONE IS **FROLICKING **OVERLORD' incident, they had hardly been able to spend any time together. And when they did manage it, neither wanted to waste it with talking.

Nero was pretty fit for someone who rarely went on field operations anymore, and that was _all_ she had to say on that subject.

"Well, apart from the paperwork." Raven sighed, slipping one hand out of her pocket and slowly moving it towards Nero's. "When I find out who decided to make it mandatory to fill out a report every time a civilian gets injured or killed, they are _really_ going to regret it."

_Oh, dear._ Nero thought with apprehension. He had known she was going to be pissed about that…

"Are you hungry?" Nero asked, wanting to change the subject.

"A bit." Raven shrugged. "Shall we grab a bite to eat before we go and unpack?"

"Yes, please." He grabbed her arm- her arm, not her hand, she was careful to note- and she allowed him to pull her down the sidewalk towards a small café that advertised 'the best fish and chips in the world!' As they were seated by a perky-looking waitress, Nero sighed and relaxed against the booth's seats.

"I used to work here, you know." he said casually.

"What?" Kid Nero was not a place that Raven ever, ever allowed her brain to venture into. However, off it went now, and the mental images were…. quite something. She shook her head to clear it. "This was where you grew up, then."

"Yes." He smiled. "After lunch, I want to take you to meet my parents."

_IT'S A MENTION OF COMMITMENT TO OUR RELATIONSHIP! _thought Raven furiously. _KILL IT WITH FIRE!_

Nero blinked. "Of course, only if you would feel comfortable in doing so. I would hate to-"

_MORE FIRE!_

"**Fudge.**" Raven tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "I mean… I… **fudge.**" She then proceeded to repeat the same word in Russian multiple times as Nero stared at her.

Nero looked perplexed. "I suppose that would be a no."

"No, no, it's okay… except… except not really at all." She drummed her fingers on the table.

_FIRE! LOTS OF FIRE!_

"What's wrong, my dear?" he asked, looking genuinely concerned.

"The way we did this was so stupid." She closed her eyes. "Practically the whole school knows by now."

"Half of them think it's just a rumor, and people have been trying to pretend we're together for years." Nero reached out and touched her leg under the table. "Besides, I don't think anyone's going to be trying to get to me through you. I don't know if you've noticed, but you have a _bit_ of a reputation."

She laughed. "I guess that's true."

The waitress bounced back over to the table. "And what can I get for you two?"

They ordered, then fell back into awkward silence.

…

…

…

…

Awkward silence is such a _joy_ to write.

"Natalya." Nero said with a half-smile. "You can stop scanning the room for possible exit routes. I hardly think we are going to be attacked, and I've already taken all reasonable precautions. Just… relax."

Raven didn't really do "relaxed."

She flushed imperceptibly, leaning forward to take a sip of her Diet Coke to mask her embarrassment. It didn't work, as she found the normally acceptable soda to be suddenly disgusting, and nearly spat it out. Raven stared at the cup for a second, then slowly pushed it away, her eyes narrowing as though the liquid had personally wronged her.

"Not to your taste?"

"I believe they may have mixed up my order." She bit her lip. "My favorite color is yellow." she said suddenly.

Where the** hot peppers **had that come from?

"Buttercup yellow and ivory." her traitorous mouth added.

**FUUUUUUUDGE. **What was wrong with her all of a sudden?

He was going to laugh, and then she was going to hit him, and it was going to hurt. He winced, struggling to contain it. "That's… lovely."

She rested her head on her hands, her scowl deepening. "I- I'm going to the bathroom."

"Okay." It wasn't like her to stutter. Nero pushed the mental panic button. What was he doing wrong? Was it simply her lack of experience at a relationship? Was it _his_? He fingered the box in his pocket.

_Not _now_. _hissed a voice in his head. _You have to wait. It won't be romantic if you do it now-_

"Maxie?"

He froze. Oh no. Not _her._ It couldn't be _her. _

_Why _did the world hate him so much?

###

Under the harsh fluorescent lighting, the eye shadow and eyeliner and… what was all that other stuff called again? that had looked so perfect this morning seemed gaudy and trying-to-hard-y. She sighed and stared at herself in the mirror. She had lost weight during Max's imprisonment (stress always made her train a little harder than necessary) and she was pleased to see that she was gaining it back-

_Focus._ she scolded herself.

Smile,_ Natalya!_ bellowed a certain one-eyed non-pirate in her head. _You look like you want to rip his head off! How exactly do you plan to seduce him with _that_ face?_

She smiled. It was terrifying even to her. She tried again, but this time it was more of a grimace.

**(Oh, and right about now Tuxedo Kamen's theme music started playing in the background.**

…

**D'you… d'you want me to explain **_**why**_**? Just go with it, k?)**

"You call that a smile?" Furan snapped.

Raven gripped the sink firmly in annoyance. She was about to say something when sudden realization hit her and she whipped around and immediately attempted to punch Furan in the face. A few seconds later he had both her wrists in one hand and her pinned to the wall.

"I believe you are in the wrong bathroom." Raven said finally.

"And I believe you are wrong." Furan said evenly.

_**Fudge,**_thought Raven.

They both stared at each other for another long second.

…

…

…

"What brings you here?" Furan asked as he flicked open her leather jacket. "You don't appear to be carrying any weapons. How foolish of you."

"I am _on a date._" Raven said through gritted teeth.

"On a date? _You_?"

"You don't have to sound so surprised." "You have the feminine charm of a dried slug, and the flirting ability of a third grader. The last person who kissed you ended up with a bullet through his skull. Surprised is too gentle of a word."

Ouch. Raven narrowed her eyes. "For your information, the last person I kissed is still very much alive, and he's in the next room. Why are _you_ here?"

"I am also on a date." Furan said. (Was it just her imagination, or had his chest puffed out slightly as he'd said that?)

Raven let out a derisive snort.

"That's rude." Furan said.

"Excuse me, but didn't you just say I had the feminine charm of a dead slug?" Raven snarled.

"Well you-"

"Would the two of you mind moving?" said a very harried man who had been hopping anxiously from foot to foot for approximately the past 218 words. "I _really_ have to pee."

With a final glare towards Furan, Raven swished out of the room with as much dignity possible for someone who had just walked into the wrong bathroom and headed back towards Nero.

"Of course, I can see why he'd go out with you." Furan called. "Despite your many flaws, you also have gigantic boobs to make up for it-"

_The personnel department at G.L.O.V.E. would like to remind readers that, when approaching Raven and especially if you are already on her to-kill list, it is generally not a good idea to mention how hot she is. _

_Therapy for Raven-induced trauma can be found on the third floor. Do unto others!_

###

"Victoria?" Nero said, unconsciously reaching for the butter knife beside his plate.

"Trying to avoid me again, darling brother?" Victoria Nero crossed her arms. "Darkdoom said you tried to plan this trip so that I wouldn't be here. You thought that would work? Sloppy, Max. Sloppy."

"I just wanted to avoid complications." Nero bit his lip. "I'm here with my girlfriend and she-"

And then Raven and Furan went flying through the wall and onto the table in front of Nero.

Raven landed on top, ripping the butter knife from Nero's hand and holding it over Furan's head. "You think a lot of yourself, don't you? Maybe if I decorated your face a little, it would help." she said coldly.

"There's no need to get so worked up about it. I was just stating a fact." Furan said in a matching tone.

"**Fuuuuuudge." **said Nero, which Raven would have thought was a fairly accurate description of the situation. However, as she was busy trying to decide how she should murder Furan, she didn't actually hear him.

"Would you like to see a dessert menu?" quipped the perky waitress.

###

Raven sighed, sitting down beside Nero and his sister (his _sister!_) on the edge of the fountain. Furan remained standing. He was pretty annoyed, and also covered in Diet Coke and mustard. He was also annoyed over the fact that he had somehow managed to date the younger sister of _his_ sister's nemesis and not notice. And that Raven had gotten hot in the past fifteen years since he'd last seen her, which was actually _really_ distracting for some reason.

But that's a story for another time.

"I'm sorry." she said, leaning against Nero's jacket.

"For what?" Nero asked.

"It's our first date and I broke a wall, tried to kill Furan with a butter knife and puked all over that waitress's shoes." Raven said with much chagrin.

"You always throw up when you drink soda and if you would just _remember_ that, I would have a lot more pairs of shoes." Pietor muttered, causing everyone present to stare at him. "What?" he snapped.

Nero turned back to Raven and slid an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders. "Don't worry about it, Natalya. It'll be a nice story to tell the grandchildren."

Raven smiled. Then she turned and splashed Nero in the face.

Nero coughed, spluttered, and then shoved Raven into the fountain on reflex. Raven let out a most shrieked, landing on her butt in the water and kicking out, dislodging more water onto her boyfriend.

Furan and Victoria exchanged glances as the two adults proceeded to have a full blown water fight despite the fact that a) they were surrounded by strangers b) it was like forty degrees and drizzling and c) neither of them had a change of clothes.

"They make a perfect couple." Victoria muttered.

"That is very true." said Furan.

**This chapter is heavily sprinkled with foreshadowing for a plot twist next chapter… and I think I was actually pretty subtle about it this time. If you can guess it, you can have cookies! XD**


	5. Picking Up Strays

Raven shivered as she pulled off her sodden t-shirt. The water fight had been fun, but now that it was over, she just felt foolish. It seems she couldn't do anything right today.

"Natalya?" came a grunt from the other side of the room. "These jeans… I'm having trouble removing them. Do you think you might be able to assist me?"

Raven smiled and started walking towards him.

"_**Natalya, stop!" Nero said, covering his eyes with his hands. "This is really most improper! We have to wait until after we're married!"**_

_**Raven blushed. "Of course. You are absolutely right. I should never have removed my clothes while we were in the same room. Also, I ruined our date with my unladylike and rash behavior. I don't think I am worthy of you."**_

"_**You're absolutely right." Nero said, nodding emphatically. "I have no time for a wanton child like you. And the age gap between us makes everything awkward. Therefore, I shall break up with you."**_

"_**And I you-"**_

**HIVEMIND WHAT THE FRIDGE RACK ARE YOU DOING TO MY OTP AND WHY DO THEY SOUND LIKE THEY'RE FROM THE EIGHTEENTH CENTUREEEE!?**

_**I am not sure what you mean.**_

**WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SCENE I WROTE?! **

_**I deleted it.**_

**YOU WHAT?!Q?!**

_**It wasn't appropriate.**_

** YUQIEGH IUQIRUHQ FU()I ${PLQE:"FLAI.**

_**I'm sorry, I don't understand.**_

**I AM ANGRY WITH YOU. INNAPROPRIATE FOR WHO, SIX YEAR OLDS?! THEY JUST KISSED! And… well… okay… so maybe there were, y'know, **_**implications**_** but… I WORKED HARD ON THAT!**

_**Then I suggest you get a life.**_

**FROLICKING-**

_The personnel department at G.L.O.V.E. would like to remind everyone that even though we are villains, there are certain things that are too diabolical for even our standards. These include: shutting down the Internet/Netflix, forcing people to listen to Navi for half an hour, and hijacking their fanfiction. Please not that we are not responsible for the consequences should this occur. Do unto others, and have a nice day!_

Raven bit her lip. "I don't understand."

"I am sorry." Nero said, refusing to look at those gigantic puppy-dog eyes. "But I'm afraid I can't, my dear. It can wait until morning."

Raven sneezed. "You men are all the same!"

"Natalya-"

"_Chivalry is dead_." she proclaimed.

"I-"

"And so are we." she added, in a slightly more threatening voice.

"_Fine_." Nero stood up. "I will go and _buy you a __**frolicking**__ ice cream sandwich._"

"Thank you." Raven smiled, then yawned. "I think I am going to take a nap." She sneezed again, which was really quite adorable. Either she had caught a cold from their little splash-fight earlier, or he had caught the cold and spread it to her when they were kissing. He hoped it was the first, because he was pretty sure he would never hear the end of it were it otherwise.

Nero pulled on his (still damp) clothes and opened the door of their hotel room only to find Victoria awaiting him just a few feet down the hall. "Have you been waiting there this whole time?"

"Yes." Victoria sniffed. "Pietor was waiting with me, but then we heard the two of you going at it and he took off rather hastily to go make himself a cup of tea, from which he has not yet returned."

"You could hear that?" Nero said, going rather pink in the ears.

"It was very clear you were both enjoying yourselves." Victoria crossed her arms. "So, do you actually love her, or is it just for **snuggling?**"

"I care about her." Nero said. "I definitely am enjoying… _this_, whatever _this_ is. But I'm not going to go as far as love just yet."

"Be careful, okay?" Victoria asked, looking away from him. "I don't want this to be Elena all over again."

He could tell from the way her mouth tightened that she was genuinely concerned for her younger brother. Nero smiled and put a hand on her shoulder. "Trust me, I wouldn't have gone anywhere near her if I had any doubts in Natalya's ability to keep herself alive."

"And you're using protection, aren't you?" Victoria asked.

Nero's expression was somewhat akin to that to Otto Malpense when kissed by a girl.

Victoria groaned. "You _didn't_…"

"I didn't have anything _to_ use. I'm not exactly in the habit of-" Nero snapped defensively.

"You realize she just threw up, right?" Victoria demanded.

"The thought did cross my mind. Would you be quiet now?" Nero banged open the door. "Natalya, we need to go to the store. Now."

###

Raven took it pretty well, possibly because of the ice cream sandwich she had just procured. "You have _got_ to be **frolicking **kidding me!"

They were standing in front of the dairy section of the grocery store behind Furan. Nero couldn't look at her. "I am truly sorry, Natalya. I didn't even think that this was a possibility, otherwise I would never have done something so… stupid."

Raven took a deep, steadying breath. "I asked, remember? And you said it was okay!"

"I know. There is no excuse for what I did." Nero said firmly. "But at the same time, this could be a great opportunity-"

The angry silence coming from her direction was almost tangible. He stopped midsentence.

"Natalya…" He stared at his shoes. "It may see as though I'm just saying this because of the child, but I'm not. My feelings for you have definitely grown over the years, and now I think I am in love with you. I don't know what I would do without you. I know we've only just begin dating, but…" He withdrew the box from his pocket. "I already know, without a doubt, that I want to stay with you forever. Will you…"

He finally looked up at the person he was talking to. Furan was staring at him with one eyebrow raised, looking mildly amused.

"Sorry, not into men." he said.

Nero sighed. "Did she hear any of that?"

"No… she just sort of wandered off. Do you think cheesecake yogurt would be any good?"

Much to Nero's distress (and Furan and Victoria's amusement), Raven was not anywhere to be found in the entire store. After a lot of unnecessary panicking on Nero's part, they eventually found her in the kitten-viewing room of the pet store next-door.

"Natalya?" Nero ventured.

"They're so cute." Raven whispered.

He knelt next to her. "Really?" Looking at her now, the roundness of her figure from the pregnancy was obvious, and he kicked himself for not noticing before.

"Especially that one." She pointed to a tiny white kitten in the corner struggling to attack a feathered toy. The thing was even tinier then it's brethren, and appeared to be missing half an ear. When Nero tried to approach it, it hissed and swatted at him with tiny claws.

Raven laughed. "You can't move that fast, Max." She reached out one hand, and they waited, both unconsciously holding their breath. Eventually, the kitten lumbered over to sniff Raven's hand. Then he licked it, mewing appreciatively. Raven reached out to scratch behind his ears. "See?"

"Picking up another stray?" Victoria said from the doorway.

"Another?" Nero asked.

Victoria jerked her head towards Raven, who was now cuddling the kitten to her chest. Nero smiled. "I suppose I have, yes."

"I will name you Napoleon Butterfinger," Raven whispered in the kitten's ear. "and I will raise you to be a fine gentleman…"_ and to not accidentally make babies_, she added in her head.

"Wait a second." Nero said. "Let's be reasonable. How are you going to take care of a kitten, Natalya?"

"How am I going to take care of a baby, Max?" Raven countered, smiling innocently.

He winced.

"I know how to take care of babies." Furan said.

Both Raven and Nero turned to him as though he had just confessed to being secretly Santa Claus. Standing, Nero clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Say, are you between jobs at the moment?"

"No, actually I'm scheduled to kidnap the president of the United States next month-"

"-but he'd much rather go back to teaching." Victoria cut in smoothly.

Furan frowned. "What? No. I-"

"Really?" Nero beamed. "That's great. You know, I was just saying to Theodore the other day that H.I.V.E. could use another Tactical Education instructor. I'm sure you'd be more then qualified, what with all your… muscles and all."

"Besides, you trained me." Raven said putting her arms around her former tormentor's waist. "That surely counts for something, doesn't it?"

She smiled sweetly up at him. Furan coughed. _BOOBS._ said his brain. "Well, I mean… I guess... the president can wait." mumbled his mouth.

"And I'll come too, of course." Victoria said, shooting Raven a _get the __**fudge**__ off my boyfriend_ look. Raven complied happily, having liberated said boyfriend of his keys, gun and wallet in the process of glomping him.

"That'd be _great._" Raven said. The two shared a smile, the kind that often passed between two people who knew that they were going to be the best of friends.

Internally, Nero cowered in terror.

###

And thus, the two returned from their date early plus one cat, one (ex?)nemesis, one sister and possibly, one baby. How's that for a first date?

**Cookies for thisisme198! Feel free to let me know what you think of this little plot twist in the box below… I know I've done this before, but never purely for the funnies so… **


	6. Author's Note

**Okay. **

**So I've been doing some serious soul-searching about this story, and I've finally come to a conclusion that makes me happy. I'm going to take down chapters 6-10 so the story ends on the first date. Then I'm going to start a new, more serious Naven story probably next week. The reason for this is that I don't like the way the serious parts and the crack parts clash in the beginning clash, and it feels odd trying to add humor to a story involving the death of a character. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed/followed/favorite and I hope to see you in the new story. **


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